This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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