I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
