Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
