Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
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