Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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