took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
