Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
my being single is dangerous.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Randomize
