dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
