In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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