So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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