Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
