I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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