its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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