I wish I could teleport
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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