wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
