Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
