you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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