i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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