so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
