I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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