Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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