batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
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