Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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