During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
