Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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