Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
should my penis look like a turkey
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
