I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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