Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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