i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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