I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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