have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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