I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
