would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Randomize