According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
