I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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