Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
