I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
