my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk walkin through police station. America
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize