Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
