Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
It's just like the Real World with babies
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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