I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize