i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
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