I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
