According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
