you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
