Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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