i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
