i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
