my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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