we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?