she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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