At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
