Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
