I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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