butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
im holly from the hills drunk
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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