he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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