break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
