I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
