Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
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There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
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I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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