I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
