Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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