My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
