11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Randomize
