Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Sorry about my life...
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
