you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
