Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
